Nautical Trivia by “Fonz” – Beaufort Wind Scale

Quaffters Version:

Force 0: Sails hanging limp. Tiller tends itself.

Force 1: Beginning pressure on sails. If sheet is eased out, the tiller still tends itself.

Force 2: Sails flapping in the breeze, and boat drifting to leeward. Sheets must be tightened and one hand put on the tiller. As the wind fills the sails, the boat heels. Case of beer must be placed on cockpit floor.

Force 3: The beer may be knocked over and must be supported or held in hand.
Force 4: Empty bottles rolling against each other on cockpit floor. Must be thrown over the side. [Webmaster’s note: please don’t do this!]

Force 5: All beer streaming behind boat must be hauled in.

Force 6: Nobody can hold onto more than one beer at a time.

Force 7: The case of beer slides back and forth on cockpit floor. One person must be appointed to sit on it.

Force 8: Bottles can still be opened by one person. Beginning of difficulties pouring into the mouth without spilling.

Force 9: Bottle must be held with two hands. Only experts can get the cap off by themselves.

Force 10: Two people required to open bottles. Empties must be thrown to leeward only. Very difficult to find mouth. Some teeth may be knocked loose.

Force 11: The beer tends to foam out of bottle. Very difficult to drink. Lips split and teeth fall out.

Force 12: All open bottles foam. Impossible to drink. Temporary abstinence may be required.

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